A Time for Mourning

To everything there is a season.

Yes, even mourning. 

Mourning seems to weave itself through seasons of my life that haven't yet passed. For a day will come, I know, when treasured moments with you will no longer be and I grieve over that.

I find myself starring at a pair of your favorite shoes strown across the living room floor and ache for the day when those tiny feet of yours will no longer fit that beloved worn pair.

Sadness lurks its way into the corners of my heart as I peer over your shoulder and watch you open a drawer full of frilly skirts all the while thinking of a day you may no longer wish to wear one, every single day of the week.

How much longer will you request cuddle sessions, bringing books and blankets to my side ready to sit, listen and just be with me? 

How much longer will you have the urge to wrestle with the pillow behind my neck in efforts to wriggle your arm into that tiny space?

A day will come when you may not ask me to lay with you at night, join you in a game of tag or request I blow your stove hot food for you. 

When those day come, I'll mourn. 

...from first haircuts to the first of loose teeth,

...from the comfort of tiny hugs, kisses and cuddles to the comfort of special blankets and favored stuffed animals, 

...from adorable, tiny toddler voices paired with fragmented sentences to handwritten personal love letters with trademark inventive spelling patterns,

...from the sound of your youthful giggles to the the pattering sounds of your tiny running feet, 

I'll miss them all so dearly when they're gone. 

I am grateful, though, that in my mourning I also find myself drowning in thankfulness. For it is in those very moments that I'm struck with an appreciation for a love that runs deep enough to understand what's valuable enough to mourn. 

You are valuable enough. These moments with you are valuable enough. 

Yesterdays, todays  and tomorrows accumulate rather quickly. All too soon one year turns right into the next. Although I find myself mourning time with you that's quickly fleeting, I'm grateful for having experienced it at all. The past leaves me with beautiful memories to reflect on and savor while the future holds new memories to explore as we add to the mine of treasures we've stored .

Gabriella, Michael and Josiah, 

Issue me grace as I hold you close and cope with these feelings. Allow me, if you will, time to morn what's valuable enough and with a heart full of gratitude whisper prayers of thanksgiving while embracing you.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for allowing me these experiences. I am richer in love and in gratitude. I'm richer in wisdom and in knowledge for all of these things.  I have grown a deep appreciation for the time you've given me with these three precious gifts. You, oh God, give me reason for dancing. Thank you for permitting me to taste of the sweetest joys in life, even if for only a moment in time.

I am so grateful for every season. 

Yes, even mourning.